Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Crash and Burn and Almost 40

One day you are going along, thinking you are living a "normal", "healthy" life and then you have a wake-up call. Eight days before my 40th birthday I had mine.

My husband and I went out for a bike ride after I had gotten home from work. I was exhausted but decided to go...excercise, afterall, gives you more energy, right? When my front tire hit his back tire I knew I was done for and there was nothing I could do about it. Ambulance ride, x-rays, cat scan, pain medication and thankfully, no broken neck. I had worn my trusty helmet and that protected my brain from even a mild concussion. I was extremely fortunate that, other than bruises and some scrapes and some major pain the next two days, I had not done anything serious or permanent.
All this because my body was tired, my mind was fried and spiritually I was aching. I am exhausted, I am at the end of my rope and it is because I live with too much STRESS. I am sad, lonely, tired, depressed and have not taken care of myself for a long, long time. I have held in alot of grief and anger, bitterness and hostility....I must learn to let that go because it's acid to my soul..
But the whole point is, I did turn forty on August 7th. Many people don't make it even this far-Princess Diana didn't, Marily Monore didn't either. It's not too late to change things and I have started to do that. No more coffee for lunch/dinner, no more filling up on sugar/starch and I am starting to learn that I need to rest and truly relax. My jacuzzi tub is my new best friend. Baby steps.
I have begun the process of making an art journal to express how I'm feeling both physically and emotionally. I read the most awesome book called Art Journals & Creative Healing has helped me discover that other people have the same struggles and pain that I do. It's worth checking out......the artists in this book are very candid about their struggles and this helped me alot!!!!
I have also started to change my thinking thanks to Louise Hay and her book "You can heal your life". Postive affirmations are a way of taking the negative out of your thoughts and out of your phsyche I'm trying.
So as rough as it gets, I still got to celebrate a milestone with my wonderful husband Joseph and my best friend in the whole world, Jean!!! What more could I possibly want or need??


Shay said...

Don’t you just Love Louise Hay and “You Can Heal Your Life”? I grew up with this book and it has changed my life. Even though I grew up with this book and the mindset it really didn’t hit me until college when I was having problems with my jaw. I looked it up and it said “anger and resentment towards someone” sure enough I did have anger towards an ex-boyfriend. I said the new thought pattern the rest of the day and the pain left my body.

It is so great to be able to connect with other like minded individuals.

I’m glad I came across your post.

All the Best!

Shay Wheat

Dawne Clarke said...

I happened across your post and felt compelled to comment. I too have felt like you......sad, lonely, stressed despite the fact that I have a wonderful husband and children. To look at your photo I find it hard to see that person you speak of in the picture of you and your cat enjoying the summer sun! I am glad to hear you recognize the blessings of milestones and celebrate them with those most important to you and that you find healing in that. I too have found comfort that way. Don't lose sight of what's most important and keep celebrating milestones! Its almost 3 years since you posted this and i hope you are well. I wish you many more happy times.

Inner peace brings true happiness